Well, here it is, folks...the words we've ALL been waiting for: I AM FINISHED WITH CHEMOTHERAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The final two treatments were slightly rough to endure. With my two lasts came some firsts: first re-viewing of breakfast during treatment, first IV nausea medicine (I'd taken many pills, but never the really heavy stuff), and first refusal of my cold mouth routine during one of the medicines. Nonetheless, here I am standing on the other side of them, and stronger for it! I just really can't believe they are over. The realization didn't fully sink in until the next Tuesday, when I actually didn't have to go get poisoned. Yesterday marked the "one month" mark, and I'm feeling wonderful!!
So, the big question on everyone's mind now is, "What next?" Well, that has been a tough question to answer, but I will try to walk everyone through the sequence of events leading to the final decision.
Exactly one week after my 12th chemotherapy treatment, my family and I again made the journey to T-Town, where we met with my Oncologist, Dr. Keller, to discuss future plans. Ever since my first oncology appointment, there has been a question looming overhead, and that was of radiation. To radiate, or not to radiate: that is THE question. You would think that this would be a simple question with a simple answer, but in my case, it was not. I happen to lie right in the middle of the "radiation decision," meaning that my diagnosis qualified me for both "sides of the fence." We thought that Dr. Keller would give us an opinion, one way or the other, but he did not. He did refer us to a Radiation Oncologist, and we met with Dr. Clark on Tuesday of the following week.
In the meantime, I had another PET Scan scheduled for Monday (one day before my meeting with Dr. Clark). The scan went fine, and my family and I were actually able to spend an enjoyable day in Tulsa. The next day, we met with Dr. Clark in Stillwater (we didn't have to drive to Tulsa again!!!), and we were all excited about receiving a definite answer. Dr. Clark entered the examination room speaking as if I was definitely in need of radiation, which was a bit confusing. After we mentioned the existence of a second clear PET Scan, however, he seemed to change his mind. He told us that he wanted to take a closer look at all my scans (now a total of three), and he would get back to us. Needless to say, my family and I left the office just as baffled as ever.
Another week later, we got in touch with Dr. Clark to find out his opinion after checking all of my scan reports. Again, I thought I would get a definite answer, but he didn't seem to have a clear opinion. (At this point, I was getting frustrated, only because I wanted to know what was in front of me. I still respect and appreciate the thoroughness and honesty of both of my doctors in making this tough decision, and I do not blame them one bit for being hesitant in a final opinion.) It seemed to me that he was leaning against radiation, but he still couldn't say for sure. He then referred me back to Dr. Keller, in order to try and make sense of my case. So, I called and left a message for Dr. Keller last week, and he was to get back with me sometime this week, which brings us up to date.
Throughout this entire journey, I have grown so much in my faith and in my relationship with God. He has carried me through all of this, and I would be nothing without Him. So, as much as I valued and trusted the opinions of my doctors, I also realized that only One Doctor knows everything there is to know about Kaila Sky Reeder. It was He, and only He, who could give me a completely accurate answer for where to go next with my life. That said, I also think that the analytical and thorough search my family and I made, by visiting various doctors, was a necessary step in following the will of God. He gives us free will, to make decisions based on the intelligence and resources He provides, and that is a big part of a relationship with Him.
Anyway, I have been praying for the last six months (and for the month after my last treatment) for guidance in making this decision. I knew that God would orchestrate everything to fit within His will for my life, and I trusted Him to lead me to the correct conclusion at the correct time. The difficult part in this was stiving to keep an unbiased mindset when meeting with doctors, as I "just knew" that radiation was not in my future. I have learned enough in the past year to know that with God, timing is everything. If I was not receiving a clear answer about radiation, it was for a reason. So I waited and prayed and layed everything in His Hands. I may never fully understand why this month of "waiting" was necessary, but I appreciate the thoroughness of my Lord in this decision, as well as that of my doctors. To sum this up, my decision had already been made in my heart; I just needed my doctors to reach the same decision, so that I could reach a decision in my head.
Today, I called Cancer Care, in hopes of talking to Dr. Keller's nurse. The receptionist transferred me back to what I was expecting would be an answering machine, but then she came back on the line. She told me that Dr. Keller actually wanted to talk to me. He came on the line, and asked me what I gathered from my meeting with Dr. Clark. I told him that it seemed as if Dr. Clark had not yet reached a certain decision, and that Dr. Clark wanted me to discuss things further with Dr. Keller. Dr. Keller then told me that Dr. Clark's written report to him seemed much more opinionated and definite, and that Dr. Keller agreed with the decision made by Dr. Clark. (Is anyone getting confused with the "Drs." yet?!) At this point, I'm getting really excited, as I know that I am about to hear an actual decision! Dr. Keller then gave me that definite answer:
NO RADIATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, everyone, for your concern in this matter. I apologize for not having an answer for you all sooner, but I hope you can see the reason for my lack of information. Thank you, also, for your continued prayers; you will never know how much your support has meant to me, and I thank God for placing such wonderful people in my life. Thank you so very much...
As I'm sure you've noticed by now, my posts are quite infrequent. This is largely due to the fact that I have had almost as many "good days" as "bad" throughout this process, which I consider an immense blessing. There have been vacations and hunting trips, as well as time with friends, which was all wonderful. Just feeling good was an incredible light, for which I can never thank God enough. For these past three weeks, the pattern has continued, as my dad and I have wrecked havoc on the lakes of Oklahoma! No fish alive stands a chance this spring! We've also enlightened a few turkeys to the presence of the Reeder pair!
Well, I think I've written plenty to get my fingers tired and to keep your eyes occupied for today. I do hope to write another post sometime soon, filled with pictures and stories of my outdoor adventures, thus far. If nothing else, it should be a nice break from your reading (and my writing) about nausea and poison! Until then, my love to you all.
