And I'm Feelin' Good!

It has been so nice to actually feel semi-normal for the past couple of days.  I have felt better, actually, than I have in a long time, and it really is wonderful.  It is slightly disheartening, however, to know that I'll be going back down the roller coaster again in a few days, but I think that's how the next six months are going to roll.  The way everything went for the first treatment wasn't so bad, though.  I only really felt lousy for two days...if I only have to feel really icky for two days every two weeks, I will consider myself extremely lucky and very blessed.
My next treatment is scheduled for this Wednesday, October 20.  Unfortunately, this could put a huge damper on my weekend plans.  You see, this Saturday is opening day of Muzzleloader season (deer black powder season).  This Saturday will also mark day 3 after my second treatment, which is when I should feel the worst.  Some way, some how, however, I will crawl in that deer stand if I have to!!!  I am so ready to be out in nature again, waking up with the outdoors and watching all of God's beautiful world wake up around me.
On the God note, He keeps amazing me in new ways every day.  As I sit here writing this, I am reflecting on the past few months and the way my relationship with Him has evolved.  This summer, I rediscovered myself.  I spent special time with my Lord every day, and I spent a lot of time alone...or not alone, whichever way you want to think about it.  Even though it should not surprise me, I am amazed at how much God pours into a person, if only given the time.  Sometimes even without my knowledge, He was changing me in subtle ways, and teaching me to love myself for the person He made me to be.  I also learned wonderful new things about my Lord and Savior, and I fell more deeply in love with Him than ever before. 
As the fall semester officially started, my focus shifted to God's plans for my life.  I have so many interests, but I was unsure of which I was supposed to pursue as a career.  So, I began to do the only thing that made sense...seek God.  I didn't know exactly what I was seeking, but I knew that I needed to pour into God and devote time to Him.  After all, He has never once been unfaithful to me...it's always the other way around. 
I truly believe that this extension of our relationship was, at least in part, to prepare me for this new and crazy season in my life.  I don't think I would have such a peace about everything going on around me and inside me had I not experienced the growth that this summer and this fall facilitated.  Regardless, I do know how I feel now, and it is the most amazing feeling in the world.
I am completely content with my diagnosis, and that even scares me a little...it's just the way I feel, however, and I can't help it.  I have such a peace about God's path for my life, and I am 100% confident in His ability to handle my life (somehow, I think He has handled bigger problems than this...).  I think this overwhelming peace comes from knowing that my life is not in my hands.  Some people may find this a scary fact, and I did too...at first.  Once I realized that I was actually the one screwing everything up, however, I decided I would much rather my life be handled by more Capable Hands.  This is a good idea in theory, but here's the problem.  I would say I wanted God to control every aspect of my life...He had it all.  Then, slowly but surely, I would begin to take back the control of certain areas of my life, and the whole process would start over again.  I think the difference now is that I don't want control anymore--I already know I'll mess everything up if I do step in, so I'm out! 
I know God uses everything to further His Kingdom and for His glory.  That is my prayer--that He would use this situation to somehow bring His beautiful and wonderful name the highest honor and praise that He deserves.  If my story can somehow be used in such a way, I will consider myself blessed to have been a part of something used for God.  He has blessed me with so much, and I can never repay Him for all He has sacrificed for me.  I can only give my life back to Him in hopes that He uses it for His purposes.